patience and jealousy
*note – as I was writing this post I seriously considered not posting it as it makes me look selfish, etc. However…my goal in this blog is to be real about what it’s like to be on the spouse side in ministry, so…call me selfish, just being honest.*
Patience. This is a virtue I don’t really do well with. I have been trying to think of things to blog about and I was worried that I was running out…then I realized that is kind of impossible. Hahaha!
Once thing I CONTINUALLY struggle with being married to a pastor is patience – mainly with the fact that Chris is gone…A LOT. There are times that he will have to go in to church on a Saturday and work all day because something got planned on Thursday afternoon and needs to be done by Sunday. Or the fact that he is gone Tuesday nights, some Wednesday nights and all Thursday nights for church related stuff…honestly, that sucks! I KNOW it is part of the job (his and mind) and thankfully I have a super flexible job that allows me to manipulate my schedule around his at times, but I still struggle.
Honestly, the root of all of this is jealousy. I feel like the church “wins” sometimes, even though I KNOW that is not true. I often let my frustration with Chris working so much taint my image of our church and get angry at people and or events because of this…which is totally not right. My prayer when I get frustrated in these situations needs to be that God would (a) do a HUGE work in whatever it is that Chris is working on and (b) do a mighty work in my impatient and jealous heart. I want my heart to be softened and not bitter when our schedule has to change, I want my words to Chris to be encouraging and build him up, not leave him feeling guilt ridden and angry about the task at hand (this is not my strongest suit…).
Something God is really teaching me right now is that I spend WAY too much time focusing on so many other things: work, TV, Facebook, Twitter, working out, etc. Are these things bad? No, I don’t think so. However, I seriously need to get my priorities in order. I KNOW that if my first focus is the Lord that my heart will be so softened towards Chris’s ministry, even in the times that I am frustrated…how do I so easily forget that??
I am so thankful that the Lord has called Chris and I to such a huge task of planting this church and thankful I have amazing friends and mentors in my life to lead me in these situations…hopefully you are able to find the same in your life.
I am having trouble summing up my thoughts on this one, so I am going to awkwardly end this…
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